Day Five.

We drove into the next town yesterday, posting fliers with Savannah's picture, and even drove into the next town and the next.  We also went to towns in the opposite direction, posting fliers in cafes and gas stations. At one cafe, an old man told Gary that he saw our dog on a particular street the day before. So we went there.... even though we didn't really think that Savannah would be walking around freely on such a busy street. This morning after breakfast, we repeated yesterday's journey, going even further north along the highway.

My husband and I get in the car with such hope. Gary spreads a blanket on the back seat of the car, I have Savannah's pretty pink leash in the front seat. We have fliers and tape and our cell phones and off we go, really believing that we will have Savannah in the car with us for the ride home.

Halfway to our destinations, after seeing all the woods and fields and pastures filled with livestock, we're nearly certain that we'll never see Savannah again. On the ride home this morning, we passed a dirt road filled with wild pigs... any of which could tear Savannah apart if she wasn't able to out-run them.

Neighbors are still posting fliers and telling everyone they know to be looking for Savannah. Cindy went to church this morning and announced to the congregation that Savannah is lost and can't find her way back home and her people have been looking for her since Wednesday night. At the end of the church service, the pastor made an announcement: "Everyone please remember to be on the look-out for Savannah." One of our neighbors teaches in the grade school of the town we think Savannah might be in... she's bringing fliers there tomorrow and telling all the kids to be looking for our puppy. Strangers that we talk to in those other towns have asked us for extra fliers so they can bring one to their church, or their vet's office, or to the place where they work. If hope can be built on the prayers and kindness of strangers, then Savannah has more than just a chance of being found.

I feel very humbled when I see our 'Lost Dog' flier in a store window... I look at Savannah's happy face in that photo and I remember all the times I had seen other such fliers in windows. I used to think "How can they have lost their dog? That's like losing a child! How could they have been so careless?"  But now I know... one out-of-the-ordinary circumstance and a dog can bolt and run and keep on running till it just can't run anymore.  In a split-second, in a heart-beat, one's dog or cat can just be gone. Simply gone.

My husband and I sit in the TV room now and there's nothing between us on the sofa, and nothing between us and the television. Sweet Pea climbs up into my lap and sits there quietly, and I think of how Savannah would squeeze her huge self inbetween myself and my husband as if she were a tiny puppy and I would move to a chair because Savannah just wanted the sofa for herself and Gary.

Sweet Pea continues to sleep in Savannah's bed, still in the corner of the breakfast room. Her water bowl is still in the corner of the kitchen and Sweet Pea has been drinking from it, without Savannah walking up to him and using her nose to push the cat away from her bowl.

My bruises are healing and I'm not hurting so much, except for one knee and one wrist, both of which are still swollen and sore. One of the neighbors gave me an organic natural pain-killer to take, but I've left the package sitting on the kitchen counter. I don't want to numb this pain because I don't want it to be forgotten so quickly.  I'm sleeping very well at night simply because I'm so emotionally exhausted when I get into bed. When I open my eyes in the morning, it takes merely seconds for my brain to remember our loss, and my first thought every morning is "Oh Savannah, where are you?"

The across-the-road neighbor (whose M-80 cannon initially caused this fiasco) has become personna non gratis in my eyes. I have taken the extra key to her house and put it in an envelope along with a little card that says "I'm sorry to do this but I'm returning your key... I don't want to have this responsibility any longer." I don't want to go up her driveway to give the key back to her, but sooner or later I will see her outside or on the road and I intend to give her the envelope. My husband says I should just "keep the damn key because she may lock herself out of her house again."  My answer to that was "I don't care what happens to her or her house."  This is so unlike me, but that's how I'm feeling now, and I don't think I'll change my attitude towards that family. That neighbor's reckless, careless actions not only tore Savannah away from me, but part of my heart has been torn also.

I don't think Savannah will be able to find her way home. I believe she has run too far away to recognize anything around her. It will be with the grace of the angels and the compassion of strangers that will get her back to us. And for that, I'm hoping.